


The Etiquette of Bed Sharing

by vaderina



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Crack, Established Relationship, Fluff, Got my groove back - this isn't sad!, M/M, Percival tried to instil some rules for the creatures, Perhaps they should close the bedroom door, he fails
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 11:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10807848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaderina/pseuds/vaderina
Summary: Percival finally had enough and put up a list of rules he calls Bedroom Sharing Etiquette. They are:1. Do not hog the bed2. It's rude to stare3. Don't bring your hoard to bed4. Don't snore5. Don't hog the coversNow if only everyone obeyed these rules.





	The Etiquette of Bed Sharing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kina/gifts).



> Not beta read.  
> Characters don't belong to me, only the typos and mistakes.
> 
> This is a story for Kina who asked for fluffy swooping evil to make up for reading and being traumatised by Trust and Loss.

There were a thousand and one way things could go wrong and only one way things could go right. Newt marvelled at how often things seemed to work out in his favour despite all the odds. He sometimes wished he’d had the gift of a demiguise but it seemed he did just fine without it all the same. Deftly Newt dodged another spell aimed at his head as he tried to find a way out of the smugglers’ camp, the newly freed creatures stashed in various pockets or being led away by aurors. The crack of an apparition behind him was accompanied by a world weary sigh and a few spells flew over his shoulder. It gave Newt the chance to crouch down and readjust the bag of squirming doxies which were digging into his thigh.

He popped his head up and let loose a chain of distracting hexes and jinxes which then gave Percival behind him an opportunity to take out a few of the smugglers who were trying to throw curses round an un-poppable bubble. It wasn’t a dignified way for them to go down. One step better than their companions who went down while battling insistent flower crowns floating towards their heads. Newt never claimed to be a proficient or powerful wizard. He just happened to have learnt that the best and safest way to get out most situations was through annoying distractions so he dedicated his skills to mastering those spells over more common duelling techniques. A guttural laugh from behind him seemed to agree that it did make for quite a funny sight which was a bonus to getting away unscathed. Newt still had fond memories of the time he successfully charmed a poacher into being convinced they were an erumpent rather than a human. That was a complex hex and Newt had gotten lucky being able to cast it when he did. He’d not been able to do it since.

Once everyone who needed to be subdued was on the ground Percival clapped Newt on the shoulder fondly and left to bark orders at his subordinates. Trusting that Percival would get his case back home Newt quickly descended into his case to start seeing to the newest creatures. It was hard work, the doxies weren’t particularly keen on co-operating with him and by the time Newt was done he was exhausted. He popped his head out of the case and noted that Percival must have taken them home at some point. Slowly Newt eased himself out into the room and made a beeline for bed. That was their usual evening routine. Percival would come to bed at some unforgivably late hour, Newt would already be curled up and fast asleep. He’d stir and wake sometimes but other nights he was out like a light. Newt had a feeling tonight would be one of those night as he crashed into the soft embrace of night cool sheets.

Despite appearances Percival wasn’t a fond follower or maker of rules but there were times he had to draw a line and make some. He thought about writing a list and pinning it above the bed but the futility of it struck him when he realised that the beasts in the case cannot read. But if he did have a list it would look something like this:

  1. **Do not hog the bed**



This was more pointedly directed at the nundu who was currently stretched out next to Newt and slobbering on Percival’s pillow. Occasionally a giant paw would flick as it dreamt of who know what terrifying thing. Percival shook his head and got ready for bed. Part of him held onto the hope that by the time he’d brushed his teeth, got the pomade out of his hair and put on his silk pyjamas the nundu would have come to its senses and left the bed. Sometimes Percival wondered when his life got turned so upside down that when there was a nundu sleeping in his bed his reaction was to get ready for bed rather than run to MACUSA for a team of aurors to help dispose of such a ferocious beast with utmost prejudice. Hair flopping into his eyes and buttons of his pyjamas done up Percival padded into the bedroom just in time to see Newt turn and fling an arm round the nundu’s chest. He stood at the foot of the bed and watched for a minute. Newt looked so slender next to the hulking shape of the beast taking up most of the bed. Percival smiled indulgently and shuffled to Newt’s side of the bed. If his side was taken by one of Newt’s creatures then he will just have to share Newt’s side. He shimmied under the blanket and pressed his chest against Newt’s back. It was a tight fit but they’ll make it work. He closed his eyes and willed the lights to die down. He fell asleep to the soft snuffling breaths of his bed companions.

He woke to rudely being dumped on the floor, tangled in sheets, disoriented. His alarm faded into annoyance and the newly forming bruise on his elbow. Percival sat up and glared at the bed. Newt was still curled on his side, snuffling into the nundu’s hide. However the nundu turned to look over its shoulder, one sleepy eye open. Percival glared at it and the creature finished its stretch and flopped back down onto the bed. Grumbling under his breath Percival gathered the blanket he’d taken down with him and stomped to the couch. Newt always kicked the covers off himself anyway, he wouldn’t miss them.

The second rule on Percival’s list would read:

  1. **It’s rude to stare**



The alarm clock Percival had set was rattling in the far corner of the room. He hadn’t put it there, in fact he was certain it was on his bedside table last night. Perhaps the niffler had moved it during the night. It was ringing muffled and distant. Strangely enough it still felt dark, not the pitch black of night but a lot darker than usual for his morning alarm. Percival was certain he’d set the correct time but perhaps he’d be so tired he managed to set it wrong. Blindly, eyes still closed he reached to pat the clock into submission. His leg tangled with Newt’s and he smiled and let his eyes drift open. Then he screamed. It wasn’t manly, it wasn’t brave but it was the natural reaction when waking up to being face to face with some green and blue monstrosity. The swooping evil’s tongue flicked out and licked into his mouth and Percival tried not to gag. His hand batted uselessly against the wings spanning round his face, blocking light and sound. Though he didn’t want to believe it he thought he could hear Newt’s sleepy chuckles from beside him.

“Aw, he likes you.” Newt said as a wing was lifted. Percival wanted to scramble out from under a creature that was notorious for eating brains. However his route of escape was blocked as Newt stuck his head under the wing.

“Morning handsome.” Newt grinned lazily and snuck in for a sweet kiss. Percival tried to evade it and Newt pouted.

“Not in front of an audience.” Percival almost whispered. “He’s staring at us. He licked in my mouth.”

“I told you he likes you.” Newt smiled at the swooping evil licked his face. “Fine,” Newt sighed dramatically, “I’ll get him to move.”

He wriggled a hand under the creature’s wings and with a gentle tickle accompanied by a giggle he convinced the creature to push off them. It flew half a lap round the room before curling into a cocoon and landing on the pillow between their heads. There was a lot of effort from Percival’s part to not flinch from the inbound green ball of soft spikes. He was quickly distracted from everything except Newt when the man in question rolled on top of him demanding the kiss he’d so cruelly been denied earlier.

  1. **Don’t bring your hoard to bed**



This one, Percival thought had been quite obvious but apparently still needed to go on his list of bed sharing etiquette. It was one of those blissful nights when Newt had woken up as he went to join him in bed. They weren’t a rarity but recently with their workload they’d been far too tired to do anything even if Newt woke up. Yet there was Newt, stretching languidly in bed, almost purring in contentment and Percival hungered to make him moan under him. He clambered on top of the man, ready to kiss him senseless when Newt let out a pained grunt and squirmed. Immediately Percival backed off, worried he’d somehow hurt the younger man. Newt reached under him and after a bit of shifting pulled an open brooch from under him, the tip of the pin glinting in the low light. It was the brooch Percival’s grandmother had passed down to him mother who then gave it to him the day he became a Senior Auror. How it ended up in their bed was a mystery. Percival plucked the offending item from Newt’s fingers and placed it on the bedside table which offered Newt the perfect opportunity to start kissing up his neck. A growl lingered in Percival’s throat and he shifted to get a knee either side of Newt’s hips. He hissed in pain as his knee connected with something hard and oddly shaped. A quick dig in the covers and he found the offending item – an old trophy from the time he was duelling champion at school. He was certain he’d left it in a box in the spare bedroom. Percival shrugged and put it next to the brooch. He was determined not to be distracted from Newt whose hands had started wandering down his chest, undoing the buttons of his pyjama top as they went.

The tub of slick was wandlessly summoned and Percival set about trying to move them to a more convenient position while not letting Newt’s lips drift too far from his. The sharp cutting pain on his finger was wholly unexpected and unwelcome. He yelped and sat up, staring at the cut on his finger. Newt sat up under him to have a look and mutter a healing spell to seal the wound. They looked at each other and sighed. Under the covers was the ceremonial knife Newt had been gifted by and African tribe for his help relocating an enraged and lonely erumpent. A quick lift of the covers revealed a pile of shiny things where Percival normally slept.

“Is there something you wish to tell me?” Newt teased with a light laugh. From the middle of the pile a small black head popped up. The niffler stared at them outraged at having been disturbed at such a late hour. The two men quietly dismantled the hoard and send the items back to their places while the niffler was shown back to the case where his original nest was filled with shiny things. By the time they got back to bed the moment was gone, both of them too tired to do anything other than crawl under the covers and press close together for some well earner rest. Percival woke up a few hours later to something digging uncomfortably into his kidney. He fished out the bronzed paperweight from his desk. It was shaped like a half bloomed flower and looked very pretty in its usual place but surprisingly he wasn’t over the moon to find it in his bed. He frowned at it as he moved it to the side and his eyes caught the niffler climbing up the side of the bed, pouch overflowing with goods. A stern look had the disappointed creature turning back to the case.

  1. **Don’t snore**



The horrendous sounds jerked Percival from his dreams. It was like a chainsaw being held against a metal pipe. A screeching roar that repeated every 4 or 5 seconds. Percival looked around the bedroom in mild panic, he couldn’t see the source of the noise. Next to him Newt slept on without a care in the world. The sound cut through the silence again, it was almost like it was coming from their bed. Another five seconds passed and there it was again, an ear piercing shriek like an automobile’s engine being strangled. Percival glanced down the length of the bed. By their feet there was a strange dip in the blanket. As another cycle of horror house sound effects died down Percival tentatively pushed a leg against the dip. It was warm and solid above his foot. Something sat invisible in the hollow and was screeching with each breath. The air shimmered and Dougal blinked up at him with large blue eyes. Tension drained out of Percival as the demiguise adjusted and closed its eyes again. It was at the foot of the bed and not hogging any part of it that he wanted so Percival figured it could stay. He closed his eyes and was just drifting back to sleep when the noise started up again. He shot bolt upright in surprise and watched as Dougal took another snorting breath through an open mouth. The creature snored away and Percival made a decision. He cast a silencing charm around the creature and stuck his head under his pillow to be certain he wouldn’t be disturbed again. Newt was the one to shake him awake in the morning when he missed his alarm.

  1. **Don’t hog the covers**



Something wasn’t quite right Percival mused as he curled into a tighter ball, still half asleep. When he’d gone to bed it was pleasantly cool but the blankets were charmed to keep him warm even on the coldest of winter nights. So why had he woken up cold and feeling oddly light? He felt for the blanket to pull it up round his ears only it wasn’t there. Sleepily he patted the bed and found a corner. He pulled on it yet it didn’t budge. He tugged it and it yanked back. Newt grumbled in his sleep as he rolled so the corner of the blanket disappeared under him. That wasn’t fair. Percival reached for the blanket again and tried to prise at least a small corner of it from Newt’s grip but all he got was a low growl for his efforts. It was very unusual of Newt to take the blanket. Normally he’d have kicked it off within ten minutes of falling asleep while Percival clutched his own half like a prized possession. Worry flushed through Percival, maybe Newt was ill. He gently felt the other man’s forehead but it felt normal, not too warm like he’d been expecting. Another attempt to extract his half of the cover from Newt’s burrito blanket was met with a frown and more grumbling. Exasperated Percival threw his hands up and stomped out into the living room to get a blanket from the sofa. In the morning Newt woke to an elaborately written sign above the bed titled “Bed Sharing Etiquette” with five points.

**+1**

It was one of those rare nights when Newt stumbled tiredly towards the bed and Percival had beaten him to it. He stood at the end of the bed, stripping carelessly and his eyes landed on the list Percival had painstakingly pointed out to him and every creature that had ventured into their bedroom since. Newt had to hold back his laughter at it. Percival was sprawled on the bed like a starfish, taking up all the available space. What parts he wasn’t occupying were covered with reports from work he’d obviously been trying to finish before falling asleep. The blanket was tangled around him, impossible to even see where Newt could slip under it. To top it all off Percival’s mouth was slightly open and he was snuffle snoring on every other breath. It wasn’t the loud enough to wake the dead kind Newt knew he was more than capable of, these were little warbling snorts which were endearing in their own way. Fondly Newt shook his head and began stacking the reports off the bed. Once they were safely stashed on the bedside table he crawled into bed. A soft kiss roused Percival enough to roll him onto his side and relinquish a sliver of blanket which Newt tucked round them. He closed his eyes and went to sleep curled protectively round Percival.

It wasn’t the morning sun which woke Newt. It was the feeling of being watched. He slowly opened his eye and was greeted to the sight of a softly smiling Percival shamelessly staring at him with a tender look. Newt smiled and closed his eyes again. When he woke up properly he’ll show Percival his own list of bed sharing etiquettes.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on tumblr - I'm @ladyoftheshrimp


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